The Joys of a Mundane Life.

Ending a chapter in my life....

goodbye...

WHAT A FUCKIN WEEKEND!

I really don't even remember half of it. But I do remember:

*Jay got drunk on Saturday and blew a .18 and got a 21 day restriction and had to start from the beginning. (he just got his phase 4 card on Thursday..which means he only had 8 weeks left)

*Mike thought I was fuckin around on him with Jay because of all that.

*I found out that MIKE was the one fucking around on me with the Sally Whore, Jenn.

*I found out that Little Sean, Wayne Jones and Philly Sean got PLASTERED for Little Sean's 21st Birthday.

*I think I caught feelings for Little Sean. He's "genuine leather"....Mike is "pleather"

*I got very upset with my mom and woulnd't talk to her or my dad. I finally talked to my dad. He's giving me $50...and isn't asking for me to pay him back. EVER.


:-D I'm just going to think about Little Sean today and I don't really care if it's wrong of me. I'm not ready to think about Mike right now.

I'm so irriatated today. I'm supposed to be taking my car out to my moms tonight. She won't be there when i drop it off. Which means I can't borrow any money from her tonight. I called her this morning to ask and she said he'd figure it out after work, but failed to tell me she gets out of work at 7:30 tonight. So I still have no money.

Mike's dentist appointment is soon. He's getting a tooth pulled. I hope I still get to see him tonight. Even if it's just to sit around and watch movies. I miss him. It's been 2 days. LOL. AWWWW.

I need to shower.

I need to shave.

I need to eat. I'm hungry.

I need to clean my room.

I need to wash dishes.

I need to clean the living room.

I need to sleep.

I need. I need.

I need...Mike here with me.

Have a good weekend.

I have a MASSIVE headache today. I'm not sure why. I need to take some excedrine. THAT sucks! I hate taking medication.

My boss is mad at me. I'm talking SERIOUSLY mad at me. I messed up the cash sheet and it looks like we're like a lot of money short. If we are or not, we dont' know. :'(

My taxes are being done as I type. YAY. I'll have my return on the 10th. Which means, I am BROKE until then. boo. 15 days. It happens I guess.

I can't wait til my birthday weekend!!!

Last night was a hard night. I called Mike at like 6ish cuz Jess wanted to go grocery shopping so I wanted to know if Mike was coming over at 8 or 9. He was in class so I left a message. 730 comes along and still haven't heard from him. So I call back and he's standing by the phone and tells me he's thinking about staying in tonight and he's waiting for a call so call him back in 1/2 hour. I was irriatated. But decided whatever, I have to go grocery shopping. Not even a half our later, He calls me and says "come get me". So a little while later (after I was done grocery shopping), I pick him up and he looks SOOO depressed. He asked if he could use my phone so I gave it to him and I went inside. He stayed in my car. He came upstairs a bit later and grabbed the Super Nintendo. I sat on the floor next to him, trying to not to distract him. LOL. And he told me he has something to tell me but I'm not allowed to be mad. Of course I start thinking he doesn't want to see me anymore. So a little while later he stops playing nintendo and comes and sits on the couch. And searches for a way to say it. And then he says it: "We can officially be offically together now". *WHAT IS HE SAYING!?* Apparently he had a girl back home all this time. And he finally broke things off with her. Am I upset about it? Not really. I'm not sure why. But I'm not. So then all night we talked about personal things and long story short, I wish there was something I could do for him. It breaks my heart to see him this way. ...even though it's the only way I've ever seen him....it still breaks my heart. I'm falling.....

The tingles came again last night. And this time I KNOW it was Mike. I was totally focused on him. :-D

This is gonna be a hard relationship. I know it. I'm ready. BRING IT ON!

On other notes:

My birthday is in a week and a half. It's gonna suck that i'm gonna have NO money to do anything. It happens though, I guess. Valentines day is a couple weeks later. I think I'm gonna get Mike a cross necklace. Or shoes. I donno.

I think my parents are finally gonna get me a bed!!!! hehehe.

I really think my sister is pregnant again. But maybe this time it'll be better.

:0)

I REALLY LIKE MIKE!!

We're going with Daniel and Jess, on Saturday, down to Meadville to go Snow Tubing. I can't wait. We're meeting my Meadville girl, Joni and her Boy and maybe her son. And my Hermitage girl, Ginger and her husband and like 20 some other people are going too. And Pam and Jim and I just can't wait. Like 50 of us are going. YAY!!!

The new LTD catalog came in today. DANG!! There's SOOO much I'm gonna order. I'm gonna owe out the arse!!! but it's ok. it's all cool stuff!!!

So LittleMike...you'd appreciate my "little monster" i got last night. I'll have to show him to you sometime! LOL!!!!!

So I talked to Mike last night..about US. And apparently we've been "officially together" since December 30th!!! I was like "um.....ok......". But at least now I know how he feels about me. He said he caught feelings the first time he met me (a couple of the boys and Jess told me he doesn't fall often but when he does, it's COMPLETELY and girls always seem to break his heart). So at least I know He's actually INTO me. But we talked about how he really doesn't want to get into anything too serious until Mayish..when he's done. Which is fine with me. I want to see him finish. And I'm not going to stand in the way of him changing his life around. He did ask me if I'd help him find a job though and what not. I'm looking for a chef's position for him! HE HAS SUCH PASSION!!! I think he'd really be good at gourmet cooking!!

As for Shawn. It's not fair to Mike for me to want to talk to Shawn (which I do still wanna do) so I'm trying really REALLY hard to forget about him. At least for the time being. I DO like Mike. And I'm happy I'm with him. The least I can do is give him a chance....

Awww Yay for me and Mike!!! :-D

The Shawn and Tara break up, depresses me. I feel like him and I just broke up all over again. Of course, because it's going through my mind that I might just be able to rekindle things....THAT'S NOT A GOOD IDEA, KELLEY!!! I cried sooo much Friday night. I was coming home from my mom's and I was just crying and crying. And on top of that, after thinking about it all day and getting depressed about it, Mike has DONNY call me and tell me he's not hanging out. I was SO looking foward to seeing him and feeling better. :(

But I went to the 'Bucks and saw him anyway. I guess it was better.

I'm soooo confused about him. It seems like one minute, he's really into me and he's all about being with me and the next he doesn't want anything to do with me. and I don't like mind games.

Saturday night, he cooked me dinner...and just watching him...I started catchin feelings. I know it. And that's bad. I'm not about to let my heart get hurt again.

Yesterday we rode up to Jamestown to drop Annette off...i was quiet the entire time. I think he was trying to hold my hand, but I wasn't having that. So he put his hand on my leg. I caught the tingles and almost started crying. Cuz I'm confused. Is he catchin feelings or not!??!

I'm callin it quits with him....

He told me to call him tonight if I feel up to hanging out (seeing I'm not acting like I want to). So I call him, sit him down and break it to him?! I dont' know. Him and I need to talk...this much I know.

I don't wanna like him....

I'm totally not ready for a relationship....but I wouldn't mind it...But I dont' want to....I want to know how he feels,I guess....

I like him...

What a night..I'll tell you what!

Wednesday night I met Joshua. He's SOMETHING ELSE!!! he's so frickin funny though. last night we were all sitting a Starbucks...Mike was in my car so I decided to take advantage of the situation and get to know some of the new boys. Josh being one.. so we went to our own table to talk. He spilled his life to me (which was funny!!) and we started a heart to heart. Then these girls walked past us..and Josh said to me "watch". I was like...ok.... (keep in mind, he looks like a BIG DORK!!) he looks at this one girl and says "Do you know CPR" she says "yes, acutally" and he says "Cuz my heart just stopped as soon as you walked by"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HOW CHEEZY!!!!!!!! BUT IT WORKED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! She's like "do you wanna make out!?!?" He sat there and talked with her for a good hour and then walked away with the digits!!! It was SOOOO frickin funny!!!!!! Some of the boys, like Jeremy and Don have been here for almost 6 months and keep striking out with girls...Josh is here 2 days and gets one! It was awesome!

Anyway, So Mike and I had a heart to heart the other night. Well part of it... and he told me that he needs to focus on why he's here more than he needs to focus on me. I was like...relieved to hear that! Not that I don't like him and I dont' like being with him..because I do. It's just that I dont' want to be the reason he doesn't change his life around. y'know. So we're still together and we'll still hang out, but he's gonna start sleeping at night and he's gonna start goign to more meetings and whatnot. So i'm happy about that. Pretty much nothing is changing with the two of us...just him. But I told him I'm gonna keep on his shit about actually goign to the meetings and not blowing them off..no matter how much I want to be with him. He's cool with that.

Wayne and big Sean told me last night that Mike has something else to tell me. I dont' know what it is. I'm kinda nervous to know what it is. Does he wanna "break up" with me? Does he wanna actually DATE me? I dont' know. he doesn't really seem like he wants to stop seeing me. but then again he doesn't seem like he wants to see me. I'm so confused. But like big sean told me last night...I'm sending mixed signals to him. So I guess I understand why he's acting this way. And I realize I'm doing this. But like i told them..I'm not trying to catch feelings. If I KNOW it's ok to, I'll possibly let myself...but I'm not about to even TRY if in the end i'm going to get hurt. We havne't been able to finish this heart to heart yet, so I'm hoping we'll be able to tonight when he comes over to watch the movie. Alone time is good...

SO my big news!!!! SHAWN AND TARA BROKE UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I dont' know why. I dont' know when. I dont' know nothing. I just know they did. Last night I went to my moms and when I drove past Shawn's house (where I'm assuming he's living cuz you can't mistake his car and truck for anyone else's...) I saw a car in the drive way that was..get this....A 98 FORD ESCORT..TAN COLORED!!!!! I started GEEKING OUT!! THAT'S WHAT MY CAR IS!!!!!!!!! How bizzare! So then I get home and I was telling my mom about it. My sister walks in and says "I saw Tara the other day..." I was like "so"... and she said "she told me that her and Shawn broke up". but she wouldn't give me anything else. Wouldn't tell me how she sounded or what else was said..NOTHING! So of course my mind is wandering and everything. I wanna know why. and when and how and EVERYTHING!

Jeremy has 18 days left. :(

Little Sean is cute. ....and he smells good....

I miss LittleMike.

I still love Shawn.

I'm so happy Jess and I are best friends again.

Cassi is adorable.

I like Bruce...my sister's fiance.

Pork Chops!

1. Taken a picture naked? contrary to common belief..no.

2. Painted your room? yes. changed it from Pink to Peach. YES...I CHANGED IT FROM PINK!!!!

3. Made out with a member of the same sex? no...even though everyone always asks me if my best friend was a girl....

4. Drove a car? yes

5. danced infront of your mirror? :-D yup

6. Have a crush? yes!

7. Been dumped? Shawn...

8. Stole money from a friend? no

9. Gotten in a car with people you just met? everytime i meet one of the new boys..they get in the car with me. does that work?

11. Snuck out of your house? no

12. Had feelings for someone who didn't have them back? Sadly...do i need to list them!?

13. Been arrested? not for real..only for fake...

14. Made out with a stranger? well, if Mike was a stranger when we first kissed..then yes. but he'd be the only one....

15. Met up with a member of the opposite sex somewhere? um...yah.....

16. Left your house with out telling your parents? well, yah...

17. Had a crush on your neighbor? My neighbors have always been old!!! then I moved in to my new apartment and my landlord is HOT!

18. Ditched school to do something more fun? "Mrs. Bachmann, I'm having an MRI on my knee today...then I MIGHT go to Franklin with Jus'Quit so I can go to her uncles funeral...." LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
19. Slept in a bed with a member of the same sex? yes...

20. Seen someone die? sorta....I watched Brian Wells' collar bomb go off....

21. Been on a plane? nope

22. Kissed a picture? yes...

23. Slept in until 3? only when i worked 3rd shift...

24. Love someone or miss someone right now? both..YUP

25. Laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by? yes

26. Made a snow angel? HAHAHA. Jess and I did at our apartment one night, just because we could!!!! in our everyday clothes. neither one of us had coats on either. the boys thought we were CRAZY..but hey, we are..what can i say!?

27. Played dress up? yes

28. Cheated while playing a game? who hasnt'!?

29. Been lonely? yes...like right now....

30. Fallen asleep at work/school? David lets me!!!

31. Been to a club? YUPPERS.

32. Felt an earthquake? yes. my mom thought i was kicking the couch.

33. Touched a snake? yes. GROSS!

34. Ran a red light? I'm sorry...it was the day shawn and I broke up..I was a little distracted....

35. Been suspended from school? no

36. Had detention? retraining, yes. Detention..No

37. Been in a car accident? yes....3 years ago. It's littlemike's fault. LOL. and I STILL have the bruise on my leg...

38. Hated the way you look? yes. like in the picture of me and jeremy from last night.

39. Witnessed a crime? yes...

40. Pole danced? I SWEAR I DON'T POLE DANCE ANYMORE....

41. Been lost? yup..but i'm ok now.

42. Been to the opposite side of the country? no..but that'll change in June!!!

43. Felt like dying? not yet

44. Cried yourself to sleep? yes...lotsa times.

46. Sang karaoke? YES! The Spice Girls ROCK!

47. Done something you told yourself you wouldn't? yes....drunk...littlemike....kissing... LOL!!! :-D (it's ok though..it was an experience...i'll not forget...LOL)

48. Laughed till some kind of beverage came out of your nose? yes

49.Caught a snowflake on your tongue? yes

50. Kissed in the rain? I LOVE THE RAIN....more stuff is good in the rain too!

51. Sing in the shower? sometimes!

52. Made love in a park? :-D does a playground count?

53. Had a dream that you married someone? yes

54. Glued your hand to something? no

55. Got your tongue stuck to a flag pole? no, i'm not THAT stupid!

56. Ever gone to school partially naked? um..no..

57. Been a cheerleader? no..gross

58. Sat on a roof top? awwww..i miss russ!

59. Didn't take a shower for a week? 2 days was the most.

60. Ever too scared to watch scary movies alone? noppers.

61. Played chicken? I am a chicken!

62. Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on? weird..many times....

63. Been told you're hot by a complete stranger? big black guy..on jess's birthday..yah...

64. Broken a bone? my knee?

65. Been easily amused? yes!!!!!

66. Laugh so hard you cry? usually all the time!

67. Mooned/flashed someone? yes...it's how i got into Doc Holiday's with no cover after the Styx concert !

68. Cheated on a test? nope

69. Forgotten someone's name? LOL...

70. Slept naked? yes..it's such a good feeling too!

71. Gone skinny dipping in a pool? no

73. Blacked out from drinking? yes...i'm still hearing stories...

74. Played a prank on someone? yes :)

75. Gone to a late night movie? yes. the Village..and it made me mad that it was stupid!!!

76. Made love to anything not human? what do you think i am!?

77. Failed a class? no

78. Choked on something you're not supposed to eat? HAHAHHAHAHAHAHHA..no. I'm not megan!

79. Played an instrument for more than 10 hours? i think the longest was 8.5.....

80. Cheated on a girl/boyfriend? never!!!!!!

81. Did you celebrate the 4th of July? this year? no.

82. Thrown strange objects? um...yes....

83. Ever been shot? not that i recall, but every once in a while, i can feel pain across my upper back where i swear 4 bullets hit me....i think i had a dream one night and i could feel it in the dream and to this day, i can still feel it...its' sooo frickin weird!!!!

84. Thought about running away? to the hills of montana, yes!

85. Ran away? no

86. Did drugs? no!!!!!

87. Had detention and not attend it? no....

89. Made a parent cry? my mom cries easily i'm sure i have..but not that i KNOW of...

90. Cried over someone? yes...but i'm trying to rectify that....

91. Owned more than 5 sharpies? um....

92. Dated someone more than once? not really. Andy and I sorta did..but not really....

93. Have a dog? aww..i miss my maggie mae!

95. Own an instrument? a couple of them..yes.

96. Been in a band? HECK YES!

97. Drank over 25 sodas in a day? prolly not....

98. Broken a CD? a couple times

99. Shot a gun? yes

100. Pretended to like someone to spare their feelings? hahaha..i'm not really sure....